Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
