obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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