And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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