he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
