It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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