How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
