party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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