god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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