I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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