The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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