Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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