woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
