the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
