I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
