it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
