My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
