she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
