yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
