Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
