Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
