Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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