i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
