Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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