You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
