well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
