The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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