Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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