God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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