I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
