He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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