Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want to make out with him forever
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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