I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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