We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
