Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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