You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize