i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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