Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
