11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize