So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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