Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
