Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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