this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
