The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
