New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
