is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
