Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
