So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
