How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
