No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Mom said you looked used
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
