I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
