your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
