Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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