currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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