Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
