I'm eating all of the evidence.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
