So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
