It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
