Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
