Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
