sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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