did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize