I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
