There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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