this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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