If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
