Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
