Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
