she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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