Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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